When I was a teacher, I observed some children have difficulty understanding personal space. No matter how many times I said, “Tyler, keep your hands to yourself.” “Or Cindy, give Jason his space.” When visiting with their parents, I began to discover these children were touch-starved and trying to get their “touch” needs met.
I thought back to my own son, a middle child of three. When he was 18 months old I became pregnant with my third child. I suffer from hyperemesis and spent most of the day being sick and incapacitated. He had a similar behavior in school. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself and was always being reprimanded. A specialist helped me realize due to these circumstances, he hadn’t gotten his touch needs met. I made a deliberate and concerted effort to give him hugs.
We have all seen pictures and read stories of orphaned children, especially babies and toddlers, in third-world countries. They are withdrawn and underweight, even though they have had enough food. The problem is there are not enough care givers to give them the physical nurturing they need. These same children, when adopted into a loving family, grow and thrive with love, hugs and kisses.
Here are some facts about hugs. Children, even those well into their teens, need twelve hugs just to survive. They need eighteen hugs to thrive. One of these hugs each day must be at least two minutes long. Try it with your children. Give them a long, nurturing hug. It is like a long drink of cool water on a hot day. It is water for the soul.
When children get older, they might shy away from hugs. Just explain to them that you need at least a dozen hugs each day, that they can give you these hugs, and then you will have amazing wells of energy for them. My grandchildren now say to me, “Grandma, I need to give you five hugs while I’m here, otherwise, how will you get them?”
Grandmas need hugs, too. Don’t we all!
-Marya McCrae
Parent Coordinator, Domestic Mediator, Domestic Conciliator
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